mails to a friend
by Sweet Little Pirana
Summary: Drabbles about organization XIII. All written in mails. Also my first attempt at humor. CHAPTER4: Xemnas bought a Jacuzzi! Oh the fun everybody will have!
1. Xemnas VS Mansex

**Xemnas V.S. Mansex**

"Saïx, come and Listen"

"What is it superiour?"

"I've got a new interesting theory about that 'Mansex' guy."

"Oh dear lord..."

"What?"

"Nothing... you were saying?"

"Ah Yes _(said in an orgasmic way) _I have concluded that ... Mansex must be my alter-ego!"

"...Owkay..."

"Yes... That means he must be just as tall as me...Maybe a bit shorter. His hair must be black and he must have Purple or blue eyes. I myself am more the intelligent type so Mansex must be muscular and maybe a bit stupid."

"Really?"

"Yes. And you know that I don't have much body hair."

"Yes." _(Blush)_

"So my alter-ego must be hairy. Eventually I came to one conclusion and I still can't believe."

"Namely?"

"Mansex must be... **XALDIN!**"

"... No kiddin'... " _(o.O)_

"Let's catch him!"

Later

Xaldin: "Has one of you an idea why Xemnas was chasing me around with a butterfly net?"

**A/N: This will be a series of drabbles. Everything between brackets and in italics will be actions or emoticons that describe a feeling.**


	2. Moon

**Moon**

Demyx: OMFG! the moon is falling!

Vexen: Number IX... How in Kingdom hearts name can the moon be falling?

Demyx: OMG! it's getting closer and bigger!

Vexen... Are you doing drugs?

Demyx: RUN, RUN AWAY! _(runs while screaming like a little girl)_

Vexen: ...Neophytes…. _(looks up) _HOLY SHIT! _(runs away)_

Saïx: _(falls on the floor) _...If I get my hands on the bastard who pushed me...

Axel: ...oops...

Saïx: _(goes berserk) _

Axel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Not the face! Not my beautiful face! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!


	3. moved

Moved

**Moved**

Demyx:….Guys?

Xigbar: What's wrong this time squirt?

Demyx: Sora is storming the castle!! _(screams like a girl)_

_(silence)_

_(Everybody screams)_

Axel: I'm to pretty to die!!

Roxas: How can you whine about things like that? I'm like way to small to die!! I wanted to grow at least 3 more inches!

Marluxia: Yeah listen to the midget! Besides I'm prettier then you Axel

Roxas: Who did you call a midget?!

Axel: _(gasp) _How do you dare to say that?!… I dare you to a beauty contest!!

Marluxia: You're on…

_(both leave)_

Larxene:….Anybody else got something to say?

Vexen: I'm to smart to die!!

Demyx: I'm to cute!!

Zexion: I don't give a fuck…

Saïx: Let's not worry! Xemnas our superior shall save us!!

Xigbar: ….Now you mention it… Where is Xemmy?

_(silence)_

Saïx: OMG we're DOOOOOOOOOOMED!! Xemnas is missing!!

Xaldin: _(mutters)_ Big loss _(sarcasm people)_

Luxord: … FUCK IT!!

Roxas: What?

Luxord: I'm so hard NOT going to die as a virgin!!

_(silence)_

Xigbar: …You're a virgin?

Luxord:Not for long! _(yanks Xigbar with his ponytail and drags him away)_

Roxas..That was disturbing ..

Xaldin: You know it.

LarxeneAnd what are we going to do?

Lexaeus: _(stands up) _I've got an idea… _(teleports out)_

Vexen: _(peers out the window)_ What the hell is he doing?…Ow …. That.

SaïxWhat?

_(Axel and Marluxia enter the room)_

Axel: I can't BELIEVE I LOST of YOU!

Marluxia: hah.. deal with it loser.

_(Xigbar and Luxord enter the room)_

Xigbar:_(grins silly) _That was nice…Perfect way of dieing.

Xaldin: You guys back already? You left 2 minutes ago.

Xigbar: Really? I could swear we were …busy for at least an hour.

Luxord: Meh I altered time.

Xigbar: Really? … Do it again. _(evil grin)_

Luxord: Huh?.. Ow…Oooooooooooow… _(grins) _once more.

_(both leave again)_

Larxene: That is so disturbing…

Xaldin:_(looks out the window)_ What the hell is Lexaeus doing?

Vexen: He's nailing something on the gate.

_(Lexaeus teleports back in)_

Demyx: What did you do?

Lexaeus: Look and learn.

_(Sora walks to the gate, reads the sign, curses and leaves.)_

Marluxia: What was on the sign?

Lexaeus: 'Hi! This is no longer our HQ. Everyone who needs us can find us at our new address. Fakestreet 123 Somewhere in Nowhere.'

Axel: Lexaeus… You're a genius!

Lexaeus: I thought _'if something like that works with Xemnas why wouldn't it work with Sora?'_

Saïx: What?

_(Meanwhile in Xemnas his office)_

Xemnas: Interesting…The sign says 'push' but the door won't open if I push. It's a really intriguing mystery…Maybe Mansex is behind it…

**A.N:** With all my respect to the Xemnas lovers out there but I simply love the dazed and sometimes stupid Xemnas… It's just as cool as an angry and dangerous Demyx and a rocking Zexion.


	4. Jacuzzi

Jacuzzi

**Jacuzzi**

"Good news everyone!"

Everyone groaned. When Xemnas entered the room while yelling something like that something was going to happen. And most of the time it's bad.

"I bought a Jacuzzi! And everyone can use it if they want to… But if it's broken…." The last thing was meant as a treat. Xemnas was trying to look menacing. Too bad for him that he looked more seasick then dangerous.

Luxord wasn't a happy camper.

"Xigbar… Why are we in the Jacuzzi?"

"Because you promised."

"Yes… I promised I would go with you in the Jacuzzi. So… "

"So?"

"So why the FUCK is your finger in my ass?!"

Luxord stared dumbly too the pair of hands that were waved in front of his vision.

"Look! No hands"

"…. XIGBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!" _( D )_

"Why am I in the same tub with you?"

Larxene looked to Xaldin.

"Because… I'm not going to go alone in this thing and you're the ONLY one who's a bit normal." _'Except for the hair,'_ She added mentally.

"….Thanks… I guess."

"Just one thing… DON'T talk to me. Understood?"

"Yes Ma'am."

_(Insert long silence)_

"So…."

_(Larxene glares to Xaldin)_

"Nothing."

_(Insert a WAY longer silence)_

Xaldin coughed but stopped when he saw Larxene glaring at him… again

"sorry won't happen again."

_(insert longest silence you can imagine)_

Larxene sighed.

"I'm ready to talk. So how was your day?"

Larxene had a kinda stupid look on her face when she saw a snoring Xaldin. She stepped out of the tub. Next thing she set the tub under electricity. Xaldin woke up screaming and extra crispy.

"What was that good for?!"

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU IGNORE ME!!"

Axel groaned" Why is the tub so cold?"

"What are you mumbling about? The temperature is perfect."

"For you it is ice quee… king."

Vexen groaned. "Neophytes… No bloody respect for their elders. We should look them all up." He muttered.

_(suddenly!! The temperature in the hot tub starts to rise!)_

Axel sighed content. "Way better."

Vexen screamed "TOO HOT!!"

He used his super-ice-powers _(uche)_ to cool down the water.

Axel squeaked "TOO COLD" and used his powers to heat the water up.

" TOO HOT!!"

"TOO COLD!!"

"TOO HOT!!"

"TOO COLD"

_(and it goes on like this for another hour)_

Xemnas didn't look to happy.

"Okay….Who ruined my Jacuzzi?"

Xigbar, Luxord, Xaldin, Larxene, Vexen and Axel all blurted out the same.

"Mansex did it!!"

Xemnas had this blank stare on his face. Then…

"CURSE MANSEX!! I WILL GET YOU EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I'LL EVVER DO!!"

He ran of screaming with something in his hands.

Xaldin spoke first. "Was that a rubber ducky?"

"Yes…"

"And what in Kingdom Hearts name is he going to do with that?"

"I dunno… squeak Mansex to death?"

**A/N: I dunno… I really dunno about this one. I wanted to tell a story this time but…. Geuss I'll be back pretty soon to simple dialogue. **


End file.
